When Cougars Strike
She lies in wait, seductively sipping her drink, caressing her mane, and sharpening her claws. Within seconds, she locks eyes with her young, unsuspecting prey. Without warning she strikes, leaving her young prey mystified and defenseless.
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DRENCH Cougars & Sex Kittens »She is a cougar—the powerful, single (commonly divorced), late forties or early fifties woman with a ravenous sexual appetite who enjoys rendezvous with young men and is completely indifferent to marriage and commitment. Although there are three types of cougars commonly spotted in the dating wild, there are some traits that are common to all cougars.
The cougar is elusive and only comes out at night, darting from bar to bar and hunting her prey. She prefers to spend her days in her corner office, spas, attending to plastic surgery, or shopping with her well-deserved alimony. She has decided that the company of younger men satisfies her desires beyond any man in her tax bracket. Maybe she got bored with her stiff executive husband who traveled too much. Maybe she fell in love once, got burned, and that was enough. Maybe she is incredibly consumed by her own career and can’t be bothered with the expectations society has placed on her. Maybe she has no need for children.
Whatever the case, she isn’t interested in “I do” or “I love you.” She is interested in money, sex, freedom, and men. You’ll recognize her by her wrinkle-free face, perfect breasts, sculpted abs, stiletto heels, and massive ambition. She’s a man-eater.
For centuries we have glorified the bachelor—the single man who has kept his freedom and independence, despite the many advances and attempts by women to change it. GQ, Esquire, and Details write stories in his honor. We worship George Clooney, Bill Maher, Paul Allen, Bruce Wayne, and even Jesus (although that’s speculative) as kings for keeping their single status well into the prime of their lives. Heck, we’ve even named a space after him—the bachelor pad.
Yet, when a woman reaches a certain age, isn’t married, and isn’t even interested in marriage, we scorn and pity her, and think her promiscuous for engaging in relationships with no thoughts of marriage. Enough of that. We should celebrate these women. Create magazines in their honor. Glorify them. Take lessons from them.
To learn more about them, I decided to observe her in her natural habitat. There are three species of cougar:
1. The powerful executive. She's the queen of the jungle, and she's made a very lucrative career for herself. She expects a lot of attention, but rewards it handsomely. In fact, she just expects—from everyone. She has worked hard to create a certain kind of lifestyle of beauty, power, style, and position, and she isn’t about to let any of it go. She’s completely independent and has no need for companionship, unless of course, it’s naked companionship. She hunts her prey very carefully, because this queen cougar has a reputation to uphold.
2. The standard cougar. Her carefree confidence and equally carefree wardrobe let you know she couldn’t give a damn about what society expects her to wear “at her age.” She chooses low cut tops and midriff-revealing tops that show off her belly-button ring. And why shouldn’t she? She’s spent more time in the gym perfecting her shape than most people spend sleeping. She’s earned the right to flaunt it.
3. The Euro-coug. A rare species sighting, she is the ex-pat whose hunt for prey has brought her to the Promised Land—and she’s taking every advantage of the jungle. She’s had a more sexually enlightened upbringing—Europe being the motherland of acceptable nudity—so she’s adventurous, to say the least.
All species of cougar will teach their young prey the ways of the world. The young men a cougar craves are naïve to the ways of women—how to treat them, wine them, dine them, and make them feel like the queens they are. Cougars love to mold these young studs into their own perfect male play toys. But, like most wild animals, the cougars tire of raw meat once it loses its flavor, so she leaves the young cub to find a fresh catch. Perhaps the cougar feels she’s spent her life doing what men tell her; now it’s her turn. If men are allowed to set high expectations for what they want from a woman, then women should be allowed to do the same, no matter what their age.
The dens of most cougars are, for the most part, high-end and expensive. She hasn’t remained single, independent, and powerful to end up at Ladies-Drink-For-Free night at the airport HoJo. She frequently prowls hotel bars—nothing less than a W Hotel—as this is where you can find young, traveling, prey alone and vulnerable. She likes the sushi restaurant, the steakhouse, or any restaurant with $25 plates. She can be seen at clubs with dress codes and cover charges. You can find her in private suites at NBA games. During daylight, when the sun warms the urban jungle, she takes refuge at the beach and private city clubs where she pounces on unsuspecting pool boys. Why? Because she’s finally made it. The cougar has reached a level of independence that only a man once had. He could demand any woman, any time, any place. Now women are doing the same. They can frequent the same high status bars and events that a man can, so they do.
Her prey is eager and hungry to please. At a young age, this boy is already exploring new lands. He’s dreaming about older women, maybe fantasizing about his best friend’s mom. In fact, it’s probably an innocent glimpse of her in the shower that piqued his interest and a stolen afternoon in her bedroom that converted him. He is the junior investment banker. The law associate. The realtor. He’s the kid who gets the office beat-down from nine to five and is ready to be loved and wanted by his cougar.
Her most prized prey is the frat boy. He is young, usually a virgin (in the sense that he hasn’t been with any other cougars, not that he hasn’t been with a woman) and loves the independence and fiery spirit of the cougar. And, she knows it. She loves the attention, the fun, and the lack of expectations that come with a youthful relationship.
We’ve seen cougars pouncing in movies and on TV, and we laugh and envy them.
“Are you seducing me, Mrs. Robinson?” Yet when we see them in real life, why do we shun them? What was once just a scene in
The Graduate has become a mainstay across our country. “Are you seducing me, Mrs. Robinson?” released older women from the confines of unfulfilling marriages and tabooed relationships. Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman started the public movement of May-December romances. In
Melrose Place, Heather Locklear set the standard for high-powered executive women to do with men what they wish, and on their desk if they see fit. In
Sex and the City, Samantha Jones taught women that having sex like a man is not only acceptable, but exciting. Jerry Hall has made a career out of being a lady cougar with her new series
Kept. Demi Moore showed the whole world that she did not fear old age, nor was she about to roll over and play dead because she was over forty, divorced, and had three children. Not only did she snag herself a young piece of meat, she gave America the middle finger and married him.
A word to the wise: though these cougars are beautiful, Heather, Samantha, Jerry and Demi have taught us that a cougar is tough and is not to be toyed with. She has rules. When she says leave, it’s time to leave. Never question her, unless she tells you to. Compliment her. Never say the word “old,” unless you’re talking about her ex-husband. It’s about independence, power, and equality, and the cougar wants every last bit of it.
Like the song says,
“Whoa here she comes, watch out boy, she’ll chew you up, Whoa here she comes, She’s a man eater.” • end •
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