Would you like to know how you measure up? We'll
teach you, using household items. (No ruler required!) Do the following
tests, add up your points, and you'll know if you have a huge cock or
not. (Don't take the tests if you have delusions of grandeur and the
truth will make you depressed. We will NOT pay your psych bill or your bar tab.)
- 0-2 points: You're tiny
- 3-4 points: You're average
- 5-6 points: On the large side
- 7+ points: Big swinging dick
Measure Length: With a Sheet of Paper
Step 1: Take a standard sheet of paper, 8.5 by 11
inches, and fold it in half like a book.
Step 2: Compare the shorter edge of the folded paper
to your penis. The length of that side is 5.5 inches.
Longer than the paper? Give yourself 1 point.
Measure Length: With a Beer Can
Hold a 12 oz. soda or beer can alongside your penis and
compare the length. The can is 4.8 inches long, or just over 4¾ inches.
Longer than the beer can?
Give yourself 1 point.
Compare your girth to the beer can.
Larger than the beer can? 100 points and consider a career in adult films.
Measure Length: With a Dollar Bill
Take a crisp dollar or other bill, hold it alongside your penis and compare the length. It is important that it not be folded or curled so the edge will be straight. The bill is 6⅛ inches.
Longer than the dollar bill? Give yourself 1 points
Measure Girth: With a Toilet Paper Tube
Take an empty cardboard tube from a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, and try to fit your penis inside.
Can't fit in the tube? Give yourself
1 point.
Do the same with the cardboard tube from a paper towel roll. Can't fit? Give yourself 1 point.
Measure Girth: With an Envelope
Step 1: Take a standard business envelope and roll it into a tube so that the long edges meet. Tape in place.
Step 2: See if you can fit your penis inside the opening. The tube will have a diameter of 1.3 inches and a circumference of 4.125 inches.
Larger than the tube? Give yourself 1 point.
Measure Girth: With a D Battery
Take a "D" sized battery and hold it up to the end of your penis. Compare the girth of the battery to the girth of your tool. The battery is 1¼ inches in diameter and about 4 inches in circumference.
Larger than the battery in diameter? Give yourself 1 point.
Measure Volume: With Water Displacement
Step 1: Fill a graduated measuring cup with water (preferably one with metric markings), and submerge your entire penis so that the water spills out over the edge of the cup (you'll want to place the cup in a pan to catch the water).
Step 2: Note how much the water level fell by checking the markings on the cup. 1 ml = 1 cubic centimeter, so if your penis displaced 100 ml of water, its volume is 100 cubic centimeters. To convert cubic cm to cubic inches, multiply by 0.06. So, 100 cc = about 6 cubic inches.
Displace more than 100ml? Give yourself 1 point.
• end •
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